Archive for March, 2008

I miss my beautiful friends . . .

Friday, March 14th, 2008

Today was the last day for another coworker.  In the short year plus I’ve been at my current job so many people have left. I feel like I started at the end of an era. What’s worse; I feel like I found a really great team to work with, only to have it shattered by poor corporate decisions and bad circumstances.

I work(ed) with an amazing group of people. Smart, innovative, creative. Friendly, funny, silly, even. We have shared some great ideas and to have that just torn apart by uncaring, underachieving management – Well, its just shit.

I often fantasize how great it would be for all of us to start a company together, away from the constraints of the corporate machine that keeps us from accomplishing anything. The 20-percenters. The thinkers and the doers, the innovators. Of course it is just that – a fantasy. We’re all mid-career, needing the guarantee of a paycheck and not the risk of a start up. Still, it makes me sad, so much potential lost.

Tonight, I saw another brilliant, talented person walk out the door. Everyone gathered. Including several of the people that had left prior. I was so happy to see them all, yet couldn’t help but feel angry at the company that fucked it all up. Still it was good to see them. Such vibrant people. I miss you all.

Bloodletting

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

I reek of blood. Again. It wasn’t supposed to go that way. But I of all people should know better – it’s the nature of the beast. The nature of man, more like it. When you’ve got a half dozen highly motivated, highly aggressive individuals, it doesn’t take much to make a situation go from bad to worse.

Blood doesn’t come off. Not easily anyway. It’s thick, it sticks to your skin, it stains your clothes, even black. When it’s fresh, its the most striking of reds. The movies don’t do it any justice. Probably because no one would believe it, so they darken it for effect. Or maybe once movies tried realistic blood, and the audience couldn’t handle it, awakened by some caveman part of their brain knew, and was afraid  in a way a piece of fiction shouldn’t feel. Whatever. I try to wipe it from my face with the trickle from the faucet. No towels in the dispenser, and the hand dryer isn’t going to help get the goo off. Fuck! I’ve got to get it off before anyone tries to use this bathroom. I’ve jammed the door, but security would probably find it a little suspicious and it wouldn’t take much to overcome the built-in doorstop. Hopefully the don’t make rounds very often at 3 am.

So how exactly does one become covered in blood from head to toe at 3 am? Well, it’s all about the method. No one expects the petite blonde in a slinky black dress and Prada pumps to be carrying a 3 foot sword underneath her overcoat. And when the shit goes bad, the only thing that can save your ass from meeting it’s maker at the hands of trigger-happy hired thugs is plain old shock and awe. Slice a guy in two while covering everyone in a 20 foot radius with a crimson shower is a good way to do this.

I’ve got most of it off, save a little brownish maroon crust under my nails and at the roots of my hair. In the greenish subway station light, it looks no more than dirt. Hopefully that’s all anyone will see. Its a risk I have to take – I have to keep moving. There will be others.

Back in the Saddle Again

Saturday, March 1st, 2008

I’m back.

This blog first appeared online somewhere around 2000 during a bout of sleeplessness. 8 years later, I’m back where I started. Everything has changed yet I’m still the same. Perhaps a little wiser, a little grayer. And years later I still can’t sleep.